Wait, does this mean I'm gay? | Giving My Secret Away! By Njabulo Mbutho

Come to think of it... I actually miss my best High School friends (Sam and Eric.) Describing their characters is not a simple task. However, I'll give you just a glance. Sam was always this quiet and conservative type, loved sports and the nightlife. With soft blue piercing eyes, and very tall boned, girls couldn't help but ogle him, wanting to be on his "Romance Books." We had a lot more in common than we realised. When I say "WE," I mean Sam and I. Eric was very opinionated, more of a chatterbox and fairly annoying-an ordinary guy who expresses himself through the art of talking, talking non-stop. Now this dude was on everybody's case and could find fun in every situation, even a funeral, hence having him around always made us more lively. Breaking rules and getting away with it was his hobby. He could talk himself out of any situation-one of the benefits of being a chatterbox.

It was a Friday night, a week before our test week, when Eric hosted a massive house party in our room (the three of us went to the same High School, and were now doing our Senior Year in College and we were roommates.) The house was packed with more than twenty party animals. This was on campus. Booze wasn't allowed on the premises, but Eric had organised more than enough booze for the night. The theme was "Six Sex Symptoms," as stated on the invitations he sent out to all the attendees. That's a catchy theme if you ask me! Who wouldn't want to be part of this outrageous theme? Only seniors were allowed to host parties. 

This was a Friday like no other, as we (Sam and I) had last been at a party months back. This was something we'd been excited about and looking forward to. There were a number of things we did together, like working part-time at the College's Library, which initially gave us little time to ourselves. Our friendship began back in High School when we were in the same class.

So, the music and refreshments were all in place. Everybody was having a blast, making new study mates and friends. The time for the "Six Sex Symptoms" activities arrived just when we were having our fourth glasses of wine. Activities included "The Wet Dream from Heaven." Basically, one had to reveal the most memorable wet dream they’d had. 95% of the attendees loved this game-did I too? Well...as Eric announced that the game was about to begin, there I was, gazing at Sam's blue piercing eyes and I suddenly realised that he was the very same guy I'd been having sex with in my sleep for the past couple years. I had been keeping this to myself because I thought it would eventually stop. But I was damn wrong! It all started back in High School when Sam wrote a remarkable essay for the Life Orientation assignment-it was about how he accepted his sexuality as an openly gay individual. His story sounded a whole lot like the bounded side of me, the one I'd been ignorant about, the one I've never wrote or talked about to anyone. This is the very first time. When I'm not asleep, the idea of me getting undressed with another guy simply sounds silly and unreal. I mean, Beyoncé was my obsession, not One Direction! I have absolutely nothing against homosexuality. 

Sam told me about his "Wet Dream from Heaven," but I cannot remember a word he said, I couldn't pay attention, it felt like I was having my "Wet Dream from Heaven" right there and then. To tell the truth, lately dreaming about him felt great. Almost right! I'd literally fallen in love with him, only in my sleep though! For years, I was having "The Wet Dream from Heaven" with Sam. I think it's time I cough this out, I said to myself silently. Sam eventually told me come on now buddy, let's hear it (with his charming smile.) At that moment, I thought to myself, "I probably should make something up to tell him," but the problem was my entire brain was reviewing all these "Wet Dreams from Heaven" I'd had with him during this conversation and it felt unfair not letting him know. I wanted to tell him but had zero ideas how to. I'm speaking from the heart!

Njabulo Mbutho came to terms with his sexuality at a very young age regardless of the negativity and discrimination in the society he grew up in-Kwazulu Natal, in a rural area called Mthwalume (South Africa.) He is a Freelance Writer, Blogger and Fashion enthusiast.